Is Chemistry in Relationships Important?

Paramount. Along with compatibility, chemistry in relationships is vital.

If you are like most people, you are probably looking for more in a relationship than mere similarity of background, interest and values--that's mere compatibility.

But beyond that, you want to feel the initial love sparks and remain deeply in love with your partner, true? Well, that's what chemistry in relationships is all about.

Are you single and looking for a partner?

You may have a list of qualities she should possess, such as beauty, honesty, loyalty, sense of humor, warmth, intelligence, and so on. Yet, when you find someone like this, you say... "She's really a nice person, but there's just no chemistry!"

Or, you may click with someone who is completely different that what you've always wanted, and forget about your list in a flash.

Chemistry in relationships...

...is always shared. It shows in a thousand ways.

You see, having chemistry with your partner means that you have a language of your own. Many times a voice inflection, or even a glance says more than a thousand words. You feel a spontaneous connection with each other from the very beginning.

More than love, you also feel respect, admiration, and like each other a lot.

At a deeper level, chemistry in relationships means that both yours and your partner's unconscious needs are met - either as a team, or through each other's strengths. You can understand why love makes you go weak in the knees and causes your heart to skip a beat only if you realize that unconsciously, you (just like everyone else) are searching and choosing a life partner who matches you.

If you are like most people, you are probably looking for more in a relationship than mere similarity of background, interest and values--that's mere compatibility.

But beyond that, you want to feel the initial love sparks and remain deeply in love with your partner, true? Well, that's what chemistry in relationships is all about.

Are you single and looking for a partner?

You may have a list of qualities she should possess, such as beauty, honesty, loyalty, sense of humor, warmth, intelligence, and so on. Yet, when you find someone like this, you say... "She's really a nice person, but there's just no chemistry!"

Or, you may click with someone who is completely different that what you've always wanted, and forget about your list in a flash.

Chemistry in relationships...

...is so complex and individualized that it is practically impossible to quantify. However, recent research in the science of mate attraction and selection shows that chemistry is determined by specific neurotransmitters in the brain: in the initial infatuation stage, you are literally on drugs!

Even though throughout history mankind has considered the heart the center of love, all scientists agree: love is all in our brain.

It's true!

At the beginning of a new relationship, chemistry makes your heart race... Fueled by adrenaline-like chemicals like dopamine and phenyl-ethylamine (PEA), you see fireworks exploding, float on air and hear the drums. 

You feel euphoric, energized, can make love for hours and talk all night for weeks on end.

But as thrilling as this state is, it only lasts between 6 months to 2 years, until you and your partner commit to your relationship, or soon after you move in together.

Over time, these neuro-transmitters wear off and eventually, the infatuation stage is over. Don't be fooled by the initial rush of love - it won't last forever, no matter how hot the two of you are right now.

You may not realize, but chemistry in relationships is not only responsible for attracting your soulmate initially. When infatuation subsides, a new group of chemicals takes over. Not as exciting and as stressful as PEA, but steadier (and more addictive), this morphine-like opiates make you experience the calm, intimacy, warmth, and the pleasure of shared experiences in your relationship.

These endorphins, which also reduce anxiety and pain, are responsible for the long-term attachment. 

It's because of them that you can survive through the power struggle during the common relationship problems stage.

The longer you have been together with your partner, the more likely it is that you'll stay together. Why? In part, because you become addicted to these morphine-like chemicals. It is their absence from your system that make you yearn for each other when you are apart.

And there's one more thing chemistry in relationships is also responsible for: the long-term physical intimacy with the woman you love.

To a great extent, it is the oxytocin (the chemical of hugging and touching), that makes you calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of your partner.

Your lover's voice, a certain look of hers, or even a sexual fantasy can trigger in your body the release of oxytocin. It plays an important role as a sexual arousal hormone that prompts cuddling before and after lovemaking.

As bizarre as it may sound, there's a direct connection between chemistry in relationships and... chocolate, the love food that satisfies even the most intense cravings!

How so, you ask?

Well, chocolate is full of phenyl-ethylamine (PEA), so chocolate cravings are really your body's 'cry' for this neuro-transmitter. Whether delicately drizzled over pastry or seductively shelling a strawberry's tip, chocolate is experienced as the ultimate sensual food.

Bottom line?

While chemistry in relationships is very important, it is NOT enough. You're smart. Don't fall into the sea of people who believe that if they have chemistry with their partner, everything else will automatically fall into place.

It won't.

The two of you still need to sit and discuss about your relationship compatibility: your shared vision, life goals, and priorities. 

You need to talk about how well your needs are supported by each other - if your relationship is to bring you the magic of long lasting love.

Also, you must learn an additional (and very enjoyable) skill: how to spice up relationships.

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