Have you ever experienced the insidious fear of commitment in your relationships?
Do you fear you could make a mistake in whom you choose to be with in a long-term partnership or marriage? Or does the prospect of settling down scare you and make you envision losing your freedom or independence?
You are not alone!
You should know that while fear of commitment is experienced by both men and women, it is far more common among men.
This page shows you how to overcome this fear and feel in control again.
First, lets see where is this commitment phobia coming from? Well, sometimes it comes from deep-seated fears experienced early in life, and other times from traumatic past relationship experiences.
Whatever the reason, your commitment phobia often becomes a barrier to trust, communication and intimacy in your current relationship. It puts a dense wall between you and your partner and can even contribute to the most common relationship problems.
If so, you are probably afraid you will feel trapped. You might fear your partner will make unfair demands. And lets not forget, the fear of losing your free time, your hard-earned money or assets and your personal space is there too, true?
We, men, want to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want it.
Unlike some women (who avoid to commit because they are afraid of being cheated on) most men who fear commitment don't want to lose their freedom.
This type of fear of commitment means you have an internal dialogue running through your mind, which may be unjustly attacking your current partner. Then, as you hold back your thoughts and fears from her, communication between the two of you breaks down.
As a result, you feel pressured and your fear of commitment intensifies even more. Your relationship eventually ends.
So what can you do? How can you turn off these critical thoughts that are reinforcing your commitment phobia?
Well, first think about the things that really bother you.
Once you know what these are, share your concerns with your partner in a rational, non-accusatory way. Talk openly with her about what bothers you and explain your position through non-threatening I-statements. The two of you will then be able to negotiate constructively and eventually sort things out.
...rooted in the fear of lost options or of making poor decisions? This issues are usually determined by common fears of failure and rejection you may have had experienced early in childhood - especially if you were criticized and shamed.
Believe it or not, these kinds of fears don't just affect your relationships. You probably find it difficult to make other decisions in life as well - about your work, vacations, taking a course, or even what to eat in a restaurant.
Its true, these decisions may seem small compared to relationship commitment. But think about it. If you got burned on a bad decision before, you now want to make sure that every decision is the best one - and in doing so, you do nothing.
This kind of fear of commitment to whatever decision you must make really holds you back in life big time!
Because it is only by committing to a course of action that your life can progress and you are able to make the most of opportunities that come your way.
So how do you deal with this analysis paralysis?
Theres no magic pill. You need to grow emotionally before you'll be able to commit to whatever it takes for you to accomplish things in life.
You must understand that commitment is not taking your options away. Instead, it provides you with new and different options.
If you just think about it, you realize its never the things you did that you regret later on in life, but instead, the things you didn't do. After all, you only have one life to live and cannot live it fully as long as you fear of commitment stifles it.
When you pick up your own power and make a decision or a commitment, you immediately (and as a complete side effect of that power), also gain the power to un-commit at any time.
And this my friend, is freedom. Instead of being trapped forever, you are free!
Free to change your mind, free to revoke your commitment, free to walk away. With every decision and every commitment you make, re-make, revoke, your personal power grows.
As a result, your fear of commitment gradually subsides and you're able to be truly intimate with your partner and build happy lasting relationships.
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