Six Steps for Rebuilding Trust with
Your Partner after Cheating on Her

Rebuilding trust after you cheated on your woman takes a long time, patience, commitment and following specific steps - you'll find them below.

Rebuilding Trust

But before even attempting to rebuild broken trust, make sure you are truly committed to your relationship and ready to be faithful reassuring your woman as well.


Because nothing is more devastating to a victim spouse then learning to trust someone who will betray them again.

Infidelity is the biggest offense in relationships. Cheating destroys trust regardless of the cause, reasons and motivations. If you want to keep your spouse, you must help her in overcoming jealousy and regaining her trust in you.

Here are six steps you must follow:

Rebuilding Trust - Step #1: Be Empathetic

You must understand and acknowledge your partner's emotions. Her pain is still fresh and she feels anxious about your future together - this is normal. She needs you now more than ever.

Quit being defensive. Start showing compassion and be emotionally available. Drop your defenses and be willing to discuss things over when she feels like talking, as she needs to understand and "digest" emotionally what had happened.

Rebuilding Trust - Step #2: Come Clean

The biggest mistake to avoid when your cheating is uncovered is to pass blame on your partner. As you know, casting blame is one of the things women dislike the most.

Instead, come clean and take responsibility for your behavior. Continuing to lie, twist, or deny is simply adding insult to injury. Apologize.

Here's a good way to effectively apologize to your partner:

  • Apologize while she's in a good mood. One evening, while you're both relaxing, say how sorry you are WITHOUT being defensive. Keep the apology simple and clear, and don't "explain" or justify your actions

  • Let your words precede your actions. Say your apology before you hug or kiss your partner. Let her decide if she wants to hug you back. Just sit there with an open body language after you state your point, and let her come to you

  • Speak slowly. Don't think that rushing the apology to "get it over with" will make it easier for her to understand that you're sorry. Women need more than a mumbled apology to really forgive. Say you're sorry clearly and slowly

Rebuilding Trust - Step #3: Be Honest

When asked, explain why you did it. Be honest. Own up to it. Show maturity, stature and responsibility, or else you'll destroy your relationship further.

Not only trust, but respect is on the line too. Your partner needs to recover her respect for you before she can trust you again. One way of fostering respect is explaining things in a mature way, without getting dramatic and defensive.

Rebuilding Trust - Step #4: Provide a Blueprint of Change

Give her a blueprint of how you will change for the better. Don't just say, "I'll change", provide concrete examples. Say you won't call the other woman again, or that you will attend counseling sessions thoroughly.

Making amends means rebuilding your credibility through action. You need to make explicit promises about your future behavior to win back her trust.

Rebuilding Trust - Step #5: Let Her Watch Your Actions

You must accept that rebuilding broken trust takes time. Be patient with your partner's emotional recovery. Cut all contact with the other woman. Moreover, get rid of her phone number, email address and all of the things she gave you.

Also, it's very important to let your spouse observe how you completely obliterate the relationship with the other woman from your life. If she's conducting her own background check, let her. Don't resist and don't make a fuss about her paranoia for now. It will pass once she rebuilds her trust.

Rebuilding Trust - Step #6: Be Open to Questions

Part of dealing with the guilt of a secret affair is answering the questions of close people (her family, your family, your close friends). Although you would rather keep your affair secret, you must understand that you are under a magnifying glass now.

These people are concerned about you. You need to keep everything open and fresh, because you don't want to maintain the secrecy and create more doubt and negativity.

In closing, you need to find out what about your relationship is the weak link. You need some type of counseling or coaching, and you have to get it as soon as you can. Why?

Because if you fail to correct the underlying issue that caused your infidelity, your relationship problems will not be solved by any amount of trust rebuilding. You will continue to experience the consequences of broken trust in relationships.

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"Your woman will test you. This will never end. This is the secret. You will never get out of it. Finding a different woman won’t get you out of it. Neither will therapy, money or sexual mastery."

David Deida

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